Bethanie's Brain

I suppose I should have seen this coming. I'm a loner. Always have been. Unlike most people, it isn't actually possible for me to have more than one or two good friends at a time. I just can't manage it. I need to be alone, because it makes me quite insane, if I am forced not to be. So that's the good part of divorce. I will get the alone time on a regular basis, whether I need it that week or not. The rest of it, at this point, however, is a big ball of pain and failure. The failure, in the end, is the worst part for me. I don't fail at things. Ever. And to have failed at this -- arguably one of the most important bits of one's life -- is inexcusable, abominable, and so completely, fucking frustrating , that I don't even have the words really. The pain, on the other hand, I can deal with. If you've ever read Dune , you'll remember the "litany agaist fear". I don't remember the exact words (and I can't find my fucking book to loo...

Yeah, yeah. It's been a while. I'd launch a volley of excuses, but I don't have time. xD And that's the whole story of late. I've never been so busy in my life. Between kids, work, the official and suprisingly successful launch of the freelance biz, kids' school, my school, etc, etc, writing has suffered. There's a project in the works, but it's slow going. Most nights I have freelance jobs to work on, and by the time I'm done with those, the poor little brain is shot. And I don't even want to talk about my goddamn kitchen sink (which is usually full of dirty dishes that no one but me seems to know what to do with....). Oh, well. My only goal for writing this year, I've decided, is to finish One Thing. Just one single project. Get it done to the point where I would let someone else read it. I'm hoping it's going to be the project I'm working on, but I don't know. It's taking me back to a time in my life that I'd rathe...

So a friend at work sent me a link to this blog and it's so damn amusing, I added it to my list of Distractions & Addictions. It's called Cake Wrecks and it's all about... well, let's just say the title is self explanatory... It's been a great stress reliever over the past few weeks of family, family, wedding, school, work, family, family, OMG- more -family. In a word (or two) it's fucking hysterical. You must check it out! 'Cuz I said so! Back to searching the archives for the Pepto-Bismal Barbie cake I made for Ms. Six when she turned Ms. Four (or was it Ms. Three...). Heh. No, seriously. Anyway, enjoy y'all! .

Last Saturday, according to my receipt, I purchased a book of 'Forever' stamps at my local post office. I mailed two things that had been sitting around waiting for me to find the time to get to the post office and buy some stamps. Then I put the stamps in 'a safe place'. And now I can't find them. Which is driving me mad, because I have something else I need to mail. ...waaaaait a second... Yep. Just found 'em. Right where I had looked at least SIX TIMES. Frickin' stamp fairies. I tell ya... .

I know. It's been an age in blog-time since I've put up a real post and I have a list - a long list - of obligations I have not fulfilled. But I have my reasons for blowing everybody off. I do! First, I had a birthday party to orchestrate. It was a smashing success, even if I did question my sanity (repeatedly) for have nine - NINE - 6-year-olds in my house at one time and then stuffing them full of sugar. I mean, there was a spontaneous robot parade, fercrissake. But. Nothing got broken, there weren't too many tears shed, and there were no (permanent) injuries. And it was fun (in its own special way)! Second, Ms. Baby insisted on bringing home more microscopic (and illness-causing) friends. So there was vomiting. And diarrhea. Oh, and then there was a case of sun poisoning (The Husband brought the sunscreen with him on the boat, but didn't use it - brilliant). Think subcutaneous blisters. It was fucking gross. 'Nuff said. Third, ... well, shit. I've f...

You'll recall my painful encounter with Pilates . Oy. So, unwilling to hobble for days on end (again), I switched to "Stretch It", which is billed as "gentle yoga stetching" on the FPU health club website. And that first week it was - gentle, that is. Well. Today, we were upside down with our feet on the wall. It was sort of an L-shaped handstand. Somehow, my definition of "gentle" is not really in the vicinity of "handstand". Oy. .

Or: Monday Mornin' Braindump Too many things clogging the brain. Must clean house... 1. Survivor Finale. Parvati?!?!!! What? We were so sure Amanda would win. Ms. Five is crushed . We are trying to console her with the fact that, although Amanda didn't win the million bucks, she did win Ozzy, and that's worth much, much more. (So far, though, Ms. Five is not buyin' it...) Also, James. *sigh* I love James. What is it about James? He's so sweet, so polite, so humble - I mean, did you see the look on his face when they announced that he won the $100,000? Think he'd do a 3rd season?? 2. Mother's Day. My Mother's Day was pretty good and started Saturday evening, because Ms. Five just couldn't wait to give me the cool stuff she made at school, which she 'hid' in my sock drawer. Yes, my sock drawer. I think some signals got crossed somewhere, and she was supposed to hid the stuff in her sock drawer, but whatever - I did as she asked an...

Yep. I did it. Couldn't take it anymore and hacked it off this morning. And I do mean hacked - take a close look at the upper end. It's been a long time coming - I've been threatening to do this for at least a year and the only thing stopping me was my general loathing of the whole hair salon experience. But I was feeling cantankerous enough to just go in and say "I don't give a hoot what you do, just fix the hacking". And so they did, and now I'm sporting something that is just on the cute and flippy side of '80s art gallery'. (All I need now is some pink hair dye...) Regrets? Are you kidding? Not a one. Well, only that it's not short enough in the back. But I suppose I can have them buzz it down when I go for a trim. Wonder if The Husband will faint when he comes home from his outings today. Heh, heh, heh... [*Bonus points if you can name the artist and song the post title is from.] .

I like coffee. I like it a lot. I like it black and flavored (think hazelnut) and really, really hot. Unfortunately, it does not like me that way. If I put a little cream in it, I can get away with drinking actual coffee-coffee once a week or so. More often than that, it tears the crap out my stomach. So I have to drink lattes ( have to - we don't want me going around without coffee, since I turn into a nasty, crabby bitch). Lattes work because the coffee bit is diluted enough to not bother my stomach -- if I use (or ask for) soy milk, since I can't drink milk-milk anymore either ( dang , but getting old sux). So lattes solve the stomach problem, but leave me flavorless unless I put syrap in with the soy milk. Usually, this is chocolate sauce, because my favorite form of flavored latte is mocha. Chocolate sauce is also cheap and easy to find -- on any given day, Wally-world has tons. But occasionally, I like to branch out: caramel, raspberry - even mint, when the mood s...

My alarm clock is set for 5:30 am on January 2, 2008. It did not go off this morning. Nevertheless, I woke up promptly at 5:25. And I'm still up. And I see no hope for going back to sleep until bedtime tonight. It is too early to make coffee, since the sound of the espresso machine will wake everybody up. It is too early to go last-minute Christmas shopping, since none of the stores I need to go to will open until 7:00. It is still dark out. Not fair, I say, not fair at all.

So it turns out Sickness #2 was ANOTHER strep infection. Couldn't fucking believe it. But I've just finished my SECOND round of antibiotics in less than a month (slightly different drug, fewer side effects, hallelujah). Here's hoping it doesn't come back. Now that antibiotics are over and done with, Boss Lady is pushing the ginseng (" White ginseng, not red. Red too strong for you."). It's supposed to boost your immune system and thus keep the nasty-wasty strep bugs at bay. I'm supposed to take it only for a few weeks, just until my energy levels get back to normal. She even gave me a couple of tea bags to get started and promised me a website where I can buy it online ("Little more expensive, but high quality."). So I'm all excited - real Chinese medicine! From a real Chinese doctor! I tried a cup today. It tastes like crap. Well, not crap , exactly. I'm exaggerating. But it's really... woody . Yanno, like you just went ou...

Naturally, right when I thought it was over, The Sickness has come back. Not as big and bad as before (yet), but nonetheless, I am back to popping pain pills every few hours for my throat and running for the toilet every few minutes for what comes out the other end. It's just fucking joyous, lemmetellya.

I've been sick for weeks now. First, it was food poisoning. Then, a really bad strep infection. After that, side effects of the antibiotics. It's finally clearing up - an entire month later. It's the side effects that got to me worst, making me feel like I'll never be well again, never be healthy. Acute illness is easier to deal with. It's there. It's immediate. Then it's over with. Side effects are insidious. There, but not to be complained about because they are all part of "getting better", so you pop that pill KNOWING what it's going to do to you, knowing that's going to tear your insides out, make your guts gurgle, your stomach grind, your intestines writhe. You know you're going to be nauseated. You know your appetite is going to disappear. You know you're going to be pissing out your asshole. But you pop the pill anyway, because hey, when your tonsils are so swollen you can't swallow your own spit, what the h...