30 January 2011


Someone sent me a thing Ann Landers said -- about people who drown their sorrows forgetting that sorrow knows how to swim.

It made me laugh.

Yeah, I know. It wasn't meant to. But I'm a bitchin' swimmer. Way better than sorrow ever hoped to be. Way better.

No, seriously. I am.

I get suffering. I've been there:

4th grade: All the way home (I was a walker), some jackass and his buddy making machine gun sounds at me, because they found out my family was German. (I had no idea what the hell they were doing or why, but for the very first time, I understood that being German wasn't the awesomest thing ever.)

7th grade: Gym class. Er...I don't actually need to go into detail, right?

9th grade: Another jackass, a different jackass from the 4th grade jackass (I assume), this one spit on me. Other jackasses called me names for no reason (well, other than I wasn't tall and blond and beautiful) or felt free to call out insults about what I was wearing or had done to my hair or... whatever the wrong thing of the day was that day.

College: Yeah, I know. The bad shit is supposed to go away in college. And some of it did. Except for the part about my grandfather and two friends dying in the space of just a few months.

Today, I thank the jackasses and the bad shit; they taught me to swim, after all. They taught me that no matter how deep the wounds, no matter how much water is forced into my lungs, in the end -- I'm still gonna float.



Mike said...

Hi bethanie, You don't know me but i follow your blog occasionally and i am sorry to hear of your divorce. it's rarely a good thing. Keep floating and know that it will get better.


Bethanie said...

thanks, mike. it IS completely miserable some days, but the divorce will be for the best in the end. we're on better terms now than we have been in a long time, which is actually kind of nice... in a strange but sucky sort of way... anyway, thanks again for your kind words.

S.J. Noir said...

Oh Bethanie, I am horrible horrible blog checker.

I'm so sorry to hear about your divorce. I've watched my mom go through it twice. And I've heard her say similar things-about failing. But I don't think either of you failed.

Marriage is a partnership and when one person "opts" out of that, it's kind of difficult for the other person to maintain by their lonely...

You are a gorgeous and strong woman. Keep swimming.

*many many hugs and lots of Buffy episode watchage*

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