31 July 2006

Oh, Woe Is Me

/*begin rant*/

My feet hurt. My hands hurt. My left hip is getting pulled (pushed?) out of its socket, i.e., dislocated, i.e., it really fucking hurts.

I've had contractions every 20 to 40 minutes for the last day and a half. Most of them are the serious kind. Well, they don't hurt (not like the hip thing, which either doubles me over or drops me to the floor depending on whether there's something handy for grabbing or not). So I know it's not labor, but I pretty much zone out during them and don't hear what anyone says to me. (Except Ms. Four, but she's special.) So I know things are happening. We're effacing. We're dilating ever so slowly. Progress is being made.

I still have no baby.

I mean, she's still there. On the inside. I want her to come out and play. Hell, everybody wants her to come out and play. But no one more than me.

I can't take another day of waddling. I can't take another day of everyone rushing around trying to do everything for me. I can't take another minute of everyone telling me what I am and am not allowed to do. (I'm a fucking grown-up, fercrissake!)

They don't want me to go to work today. They think I don't fit behind the steering wheel (they may have a point there). They think I'm going to go into labor any second (I won't, of course, I'm not that lucky, and even if I did, I work in a fucking hospital, people! Not only that, I work in a hospital two floors directly above Labor and Delivery! Lay off!).

Besides, if I don't go into work today, I'll be Bored Stupid. And besides that, I'm not taking one minute of maternity leave until I have an actual baby to enjoy it with. I only get six weeks paid and after than I only get six more (unpaid, since my vacation and sick leave will run out, or more likely, paid but working from home) because this country has its priorities so pathetically ass-fucking backwards when it comes to social infrastructure. (I mean, really, how do you expect women to breastfeed their babies for a year when you won't give them the support needed to actually do that? And if you think you can get the breastfeeding relationship well-established enough in six to twelve weeks to make it to a year: THINK. AGAIN. Only the very stubborn (i.e., me and women like me) will stick it out.)

OK. I think that's everything for now.

/*end rant*/

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