Questions I'm Totally Sick Of

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1. How much longer do you have?

Too long. Whether it's one more hour, one more day, one more week or three more weeks, it's going to be too goddamn long. The only person who can ask me this and not piss me off is the girl at Starbucks and that only because she gave me the "Mommy Discount" and I got my decaf tall mocha for free one day a couple of weeks ago because I was having a bad-mommy morning. The rest of you need to shut up.

2. Do you have a name yet?

No. Actually, yes. We have a list. As I've explained nine dozen times, I cannot and will not name someone I have never seen. It just seems wrong. When we see her, we'll name her. Please stop asking.

3. Can I get that for you?

This is the hardest one for people to understand. Especially, bless his heart, The Husband. He's only trying to help and make these last few (*cringe*) weeks easier for me. But, really. I can get a glass of water by myself (sort of) and I hate needing help with stuff. Therefore, having people help with stuff pisses me off. (I'm going to make a Fantastically Bad invalid when I'm old and decrepit. Can you tell?)

4. How are you feeling?

I am nine months pregnant. How do you think I'm feeling? Miserable. Bloated. Fat. Unwieldy. Uncomfortable. HOT. Pick any. Pick all.

Post-Script: I composed the foregoing litany of complaints in my head on the shuttle from the parking lot (which I am forced to take since it's 95 fucking degrees out at 8:45 in the morning and I can't walk that far anymore, anyway). I trudged to my building, suffered the elevator (since it about kills me to take the stairs) and waddled miserably to my cube - to find one of our postdocs, a lovely woman from Mongolia, leaving me 9 red roses. Nine. One for each month of suffering. I just about cried.

Post-Post-Script (11:09 AM): And just now one of our interns, a lovely woman from China, brought me a little something for the baby. It's very cute - all the more so because it's blue. (You can't even imagine how sick I am of putting pink on little girls. Honestly, they look great in other colors.) Perhaps I'm the one that should shut up now...

Comments

Bethanie said…
Oh, I can so relate to that - ohmigahd-this-isn't-for-me thing... My wedding was the same way and I wished I had eloped. (I still wish I had eloped!) The one thing to keep in mind about that is that it's YOUR party, so FUCK all the people who don't like Etta James and/or don't want to eat what you want to eat. You make yourself happy, 'cuz it's YOUR day.

And don't worry, I won't kill you. :) I'm in a much better mood today and you always make me smile and/or laugh, which is priceless. :)
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