16 April 2006

The Porcelain Goddess: Part Deux

Once again, She has answered our prayers and pleas for mercy. Yes, the Great White Goddess of the Porcelain Bowl has appeared in a vision (apparently) to Ms. Three-Years-Old (OK, OK - Ms. Almost-Four-Years-Old) and shown her The Way. The way to the potty, that is, at long, fucking last.

It happened almost entirely by accident, but it has happened and I will not question Her Wisdom.

See, Ms. Three-Years-Old decided to do that literal anal retentive thing again and so we started stuffing her with that laxative her doctor prescribed, because the alternative (forcibly holding her down and administering a suppository) just isn’t fun for anyone.

I think we overdid it just a bit and Ms. Three-Years-Old ended up having about 7 BMs one evening. Around about BM #2, I had her sit on her potty chair while I went to get a diaper for her to do her business into. I had barely made it to the super-secret diaper stash, when I heard some very distressed whining from the vicinity of the bathroom. So I rushed (well, performed the pregnant equivalent) back down the hall to find Ms. Three hobbling out the bathroom door - with shit hanging out of her ass.

“Sit down on the potty! Quick!” I said, not much wanting said shit to land on the carpeting in the hallway.

She started to protest, but I thought fast and explained – ever so calmly as I eased her tuckus onto the potty - how we didn’t want to get poopy on the floor, and since it was already out, we’d just let it fall into the potty this time. Just this once.

Somehow, the logic of this made sense to the three-year-old brain and she stopped protesting and sat.

“You might as well let the rest of it out in there too,” I said, not daring to hope she might actually do it.

Well, she amazed the flying fuck out of me and actually did. (She just loves to prove me wrong.)

That – apparently – was all it took.

I made a big deal about showing her how to wipe properly and letting her pick something out of the glass "reward" cannister (a Cadbury creme egg - she was sugar-blitzed for the next three hours). Thanks to the laxative, Ms. Three proceeded to have at least four more BMs that night and ran to the potty each and every time and has continued to do so for over a week now. No accidents, no anal retentive episodes, no nothing – just regular, old using the potty (I’ve just jinxed myself, haven’t I? damn…).

So, all praise to the Porcelain Goddess. May She continue to bestow Her Blessings upon us unworthies (and fercrissake, may She please appear in a vision to Daughter #2 somewhat earlier in said daughter’s life? please.).


Queen K said...

LOL - that's just great!!! Who woulda thought? Perfect conditioning regimen though, having it happen that many times in a row. I can't stop laughing :D

Bethanie said...

Yeah, it actually worked out because it reinforced the whole process so, erm, effectively.... The Goddess does work in strange and wonderful ways... !